Thursday, April 29, 2010

Picturesque Speak…

 

Bluetooth  Intension 

Bluetooth  Intension…

 


 Lagta Hai Isko Bhi Dikh Gaya... Ab Sabko Batayega

@Gambhir: Lagta Hai Isko Bhi Dikh Gaya... Ab Yeh Sabko Batayega

 

 


Dostana

Dostana



Ess Baar Out nahin hua to maar-maar ke Bandar wala laal kar dunga

Abki Baar Out Nahin Hua to Maar-Maar ke Bandar Wala Laal Kar Dunga

 

 



Ek Mutthi dooja Panja... Ek VISA dooja MASTER 

Ek Mutthi, Dooja Panja... Ek VISA, Dooja MASTER

 

 


 Ek Udhar Jao... Dusra Udhar... Baaki Mere Pichhe Aao    

Ek Udhar Jao, Dusra Udhar... Baaki Mere Pichhe Aao

 

 

 


Ess baar to Daam badha do...

Jaate-Jaate Daam To Sahi Laga Ke Jao…

 

 

 


Kya Didi, Aap to bol rahi thi yeh Chhakka maarega

Kya Didi, Aap to Bol Rahi Thi Yeh CHHAKKA Maarega

 

 


Jyada Mat Kholo

Jyada Mat Kholo…

 

 


LINK Pens

LINK Pens

 

 


MARD ne uchhala, MAHILA ke liye

MARD Ne Uchhala, MAHILA Ke Liye

 

 


Need a Detergent sponsor, not Cement

Need a Detergent Sponsor, Not Cement

 

 

 


Mere liye tu RUN jara... Kyon dikhe dara dara   

Mere Liye Tu RUN Jara... Kyon Dikhe Dara-Dara

 

 

 


No comments

Yeh To Mere Se Bhi Bada Hanger Hai…

 

 


Ravan Punjab kab gaya tha 

Ravan Punjab Kab Gaya ???

 

 

 


Yeh Niche Kab Aayega

Yeh Niche Kab Aayega???

 

 


 Yeh 1kilo 200grm ka Haath 

Yeh 1kg 200gm ka Haath

 

 

 


Ruk ja, Zinta ki SMS dikhata hoon

Ruk Ja, Zinta Ki MMS Dikhata Hoon

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Bantu is flying for Onsite…


It has been quite some time now that I had any update from Bantu. Today, talked to him soon after returning from a long and tiring 8 hrs domestic flight journey. Yeah! US have one-third the population of India but geographically it is more than 3 times bigger than India.

Bantu is finally buckled up to fly for onsite. May be he would be delayed by few days or even few weeks but that’s just logistic interruptions due to volcanic ash. It happened quickly for him though. Good to hear he pulled off something he badly wanted.

Congratulations Bantu!!!

Last week when I talked to Bantu, he could not really digest my few words - “but I can't digest when you talk of onsite only for money"

"It's so easy for people to advice others but the fact is, you are able to say so as your wallet has seen other currencies for quite some time," Bantu continued today, you can advice others as you treat the situation objectively and you are not emotionally invested into that.

Well! I agreed with him that it’s difficult to always realize others perspective as we’re so emotionally wrapped up in our own situation and experiences. However, I expected Bantu to think of same logic and should not conclude something without knowing all the facts.

I told him a story. Initially he was reluctant to listen to any, but then he agreed as I convinced him to let me complete or else this unanswered questions might haunts me somewhere down the line.

“Since the school days we all had many subjects to study in every class, still there used to be one subject that we loved the most. That continued throughout the academic career. Every painter has one master piece from his/her entire life's painting; every teacher has one favorite student; it goes on.
In some way or the other it applies to everyone. Say, if you write something which is of 130-150 pages; still there would be one part/line which would be close to your heart. How would you feel if someone says - out of the entire work. I liked that one line the most."

"What do you mean by this story?" Bantu sounded little confused.

It happened to me. And that someone was my loss partially because of the onsite. No! Actually, completely because of onsite.

Thereafter, I did not expect any spawning questions from Bantu nor he did. Perhaps Bantu understood my urge - "Don't judge a book by its cover."

It’s nothing different if you decide to go onsite only for money. Money can't buy everything; if that is the case, everyone should get sound sleep on last working day of month, the salary day.

Finally, I am more than happy that Bantu, मेरा जिगरी दोस्त, is flying soon and he is close to what he wants.

Not to be continued...


Declaration: Any similarities to actual persons, and to actual events are purely intentional. I take no responsibility for the action of any characters other than my own.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Will Bantu try for Onsite???


Yesterday I decided to take a break for some days as I smelled Bantu is ready to bring himself back to sanity sooner than later.
It’s completely his decision to quit or stay, but what all I expect is a sane Bantu. No talk about VA, ITA or any such crap word.

लेकिन वो जिद्दी मुर्गा जो ठहरा, आज तो Ultimatix देख के सनक गया . Came to me this evening. He was again frustrated. Actually it was not frustration; he feels betrayed; his respect for corporate is getting summarized in just two words - "Screw it".
He is losing faith in the system. That is bothering me. मेरा जिगरी दोस्त जो है वो.

I am seriously out of logic to say anything for now. I need a cup of tea and then would explore your great employer to get some fact.

Adrak Wali Chai did the trick. I got few more facts.

Before I say anything, do you remember once you only had said?

Tere fitrat se umeed kabhi thi hi nahin jaalim - 2
Teri jaat ko samajhna hamen gawara nahin
Chahe Sitam kar le hamaare Jazba-e-junoon pe kitni
Hamare maqsood ko samajhna tumhe gawara nahin!

You did not expect any thing in past, then why suddenly now?

Any way, तू मेरा दोस्त है ना. So let me try again. Don't forget your cos don't need you.

You know, today I talked to a guy who had become ITA in April-08 and his CTC was 675k with avg. rating. Today he showed me his new compensation letter but I could only see tears in his eyes. His new salary is 583K. With the so called famous 10% increase his new CTC would have been around 740K.
I felt dumb. I got stuck with the calculation; after 2 years his opportunity cost is 26%.

Reason is nothing fancy, he got released from old project and from there he was appraised. उसकी BAND पे पत्थर गिरा और BAN निकल गया. बच गया कद्दु D.

He told me another thing; perhaps that was actually adding to his frustration. He told me one of his college junior who joined a year later and has newly become ITA with the Awesome band, got increased CTC of 5.94 and further that guy would get VA some months later and his CTC before next financial year would be 730K (with new ITA-VA increase of 150K) while this person would remain at 583K.

"I was not on bench.My utilization was close to 100%. I earned for my company," he continued to justify his frustration.

I thought to ask him, how many PJ did you forward to your boss during last appraisal cycle?. But he would have killed me for that.
You know, I am sick of all these calculations. It stinks. I stopped going to that dexternights also.

I am again saying the same thing - Your company don't need you. Does not even matter if 10-15k leave in this Qtr itself. They have utilization ratio of 74.3% including trainees; and also, 30% of the employees are women, the loyal women's who certainly don't contribute much to attrition.

"I know, but what about brand TATA, its code of conduct. Moral, Ethics," over optimistic Bantu interrupted me.

Have you recently completed the mandatory web based training on Tata code of conduct, the one where people just click for 15-20 times and it shows complete?

I seriously want to use the four letter word now and don't even dare to talk about morals. Read this news; their moral is fighting in California court for last 4 years.
Bloody morals!

Are Bantu, I told you about one of my friend, he is about to hit the send button on that famous mail with subject line "Adieu from XXX."

Wish you could see him hitting the send button; I can just imagine the happiness he would get while moving the finger close to mouse in slow motion.

Actually sometime I feel, when God would have created him, GOD definitely forgot to immune his face for handling stress. He never looks good without smile. From last few months he had lost his smile. Wish! I could witness the moment of getting his smile back.

And what about your onsite plan? Are you trying?
Go Bantu go. USD is calling you. Get a H1 and stay there. Down the line you can also consider getting a environment friendly colour firangi identity card.

और हाँ चिंकी को भी साथ में लेते जाना. मेहनत रंग लायी तो बुढ़ापे में किसी की citizenship भी काम आएगी.

Sorry Bantu; I didn't intend to offend you, but I can't digest when you talk of onsite only for money.

                                                                                                                                     To be continued...

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Bantu got increment letter…

 

बंटू, मेरा जिगरी दोस्त, किसी जिद्दी मुर्गे से कम नहीं है. आज फिर से रोने लगा. अब की बार उसकी माँ ने ही उसे रुला दिया. नहीं! माँ ने रुलाया नहीं, सच्चाई बता दी. हुआ कुछ यूँ था.

“आज सुबह माँ ने पूछ ही लिया - बंटू तू कह रहा था ना अप्रैल आयेगा. वोह तो आ गया बेटा. आज तो चिंकी की मम्मी भी कह रही थी की हर चैनल पर TCS increment के ही चर्चे हैं.

बंटू का दिल बैठ सा गया. लेकिन बंटू ठहरा over optimist.  उसने बोला - हाँ माँ, Basic increased by x%, LTA, VA, etc etc also increased. And on top of that they said, they may give the famous increase of 125-150% VA. इतना ही नहीं मम्मी tax slab also got increased so finally I would get increased salary.

बंटू की calculation उसकी माँ की समझ में नहीं आई. वोह बोली - मुझे अंग्रेजी समझ नहीं आती, सीधे से बता कितना increment हुआ है?

"10% ," Bantu said.

"दाल तो 100% बढ़ गया, चावल 50%...," माँ की लम्बी list project के bug list से भी लम्बी होती जा रही थी. बंटू चिल्ला पड़ा. माँ रोने लगी. लड़खराते हुए आवाज़ में बोली, मुझे क्या पता था तू ऐसे चिल्लाएगा. चिंकी तेरी कंपनी में नहीं है क्या?

इतना कम नहीं था की बंटू ने अपनी copensation letter देख ली और मेरे पास आया.”

Yaar this is too much. I have been cheated again. They said its 10% at offshore. But my increment is less than 9%.

Uffff Bantu. Its average increment not for everyone. Some would have even got 7-8% and hence some would have got in double digit % too to make sure avg . reaches 10%.

Don't you know the stupid business language which is to sound and read politically and legally correct? Read this book or I would tell you about this in detail some time later. I am yet to complete this book, though more than half done. This is funny and interesting book.

"यार, मैं frustu हूँ और तुझे book की सूझ रही है. अब तो माँ भी चिढाने लगी है. वो पम्मी आंटी (हाँ वहीँ चिंकी की मम्मी) भी आती ही होगी, अपनी बेटी की increment letter का colour print out ले के," बंटू बोला.

How should I convince you Bantu? From where should I bring more facts to let you realize - your company don't need you? You are here because you want to.

Bantu, you know in order to convince you, I will have to start a research mission to collect all the moron facts. And with less amount of effort I can find a golden stock which can give me an easy 10-20% return over just few months.

Any way, तू मेरा दोस्त है ना. So let me try again. Don't forget your cos don't need you.

I know this compensation letter has hurt many like you but it’s going to save them close to Billion without any side effect.

Let us explore couple of facts:

1) ITA VA -

We all know this, TCS recruited in bunch during 2004-2007.

Now just consider the fresher's who joined in late 2004 or in first half of 2005, almost all became ITA in last Aug to Jan-2010. Assume the existing count of such associate to be just 5000. They are eligible to get avg. hike of 150k in VA as per new grade. Because of this delay even if 1000 people resigns. TCS saves 1000*150k = 150 Million

2) Now, second half of 2005 and first half of 2006 fresher joined are already or would be eligible this July for ITA. That too, if they go for it, which may not be as they must be working on some stupid new guidelines.

This count will be much more than the previous one. Probability of resigning by these associates is more as they would have to wait more than what just became ITA would have to. And further avg. industry salary with same yr of exp is more than 700k, a difference of 40%.

Going with the previous assumption and little more probability count, likely saved amount = 2000*150k = 300 Million

Remember, this is just for ITA people with average hike and minimum expected exit count. Associate in higher grade would produce the socking figures.

Now consider one more scenario of the range of fresher who joined in second half of 2006 and first half of 2007.

No! Not for ITA VA. They still have miles to go before they start dreaming for it. And this distant dream will be the reason which will instigate some of them to take exit route. Hiring was at its peak during these seasons so even a small % would quantify in considerable figure.

See the money realized from this exit in other form.

You know Payment of Gratuity Act, 1972 - "People should be awarded for long term service. And it would have definitely been assumed on the basis of prevailing job situation at that time. They would never have envisaged that future avg. year of working in a cos would touch single digit (I am still lenient with this figure, reality is more shocking)

In fact this gratuity stuff applies to even who joined in first half of 2006 as they too are enough sort of reaching those 5 yrs.

Assume such exit count of just 5000 with 4 year of exp. Money saved = 5000*25k = 125 Million.  I have considered 25k gratuity amount for 4 years.
Having said that, I am assuming per my knowledge that if any employee leaves before 5 yrs then he is not eligible to gratuity and corresponding amount can be utilized by the company as it may deem fit..

Bantu, I am stressing on 3-6 yrs of experienced people as to me, TCS has huge % of these kinda associates because of the mass hiring during 2004-2007 and attrition was all time low in last few years due to the great global recession. And also the work that these people do can be easily done by over enthusiastic fresher’s with experience of less than 3 yrs and wages close to 400k.

Yeah Dude! The stupid code that you are writing can be written by a simple graduate from any small town college named after post 1947 born freedom fighters.

Don't be surprised Bantu, do you have any idea about IT graduate or non-graduate in the IT industry or for that matter Engineering Vs Non engineering graduate. And these days they hire an art graduate too. Yeah this service industry doesn’t always need the engineering morons.

So the point is even if, by above assumption, 8000 people quit in this Qtr itself, it won't matter to them. In fact they would save close to a Billion. And that is what they want. They already have fresher recruited to fill these. Remember Chantu-Mantu in queue.

I had told you, in case of need, they can always take laterals, which they do. In any case they won't need much though.

What did you just whispered? You don't want to quit and rather try for onsite.

See, it’s your personal decision. But I am confused now and have no logic for it.

I thought your frustration was more because you felt cheated, your heart cried here and blah blah... I did not know money alone can change your mind. You know, I was right when I did not use any euphemism for clothed night Queen.

How can you be sure that they would send you onsite? There are thousands of people whose VISA\Work permit is about to expire without a single emigration stamp on their passport. I mean its all requirement based. If they find some client who is ready to bill in their Euro\Pound\USD or what ever currency, they would send you else not.

It’s not that when you want to go, they would send you; when you want to come, they would bring you back. How come you forget the opportunity cost that you pay for being away from home, from parents, from friends and from your own country?

I mean Bantu, how come you think for onsite only for money?

Bantu, I need a break. I need to watch comedy circus now and let me know if you too need the dump.

अब तू घर जा पम्मी आंटी आ गयी होगी, Colour print out ले के.

                                                                                                                                            To be continued...

Monday, April 19, 2010

Will Bantu ever get new VA?


Say, you have a 100 rupee bill and you decide to go to a Chai Dhaba for a cup of Adrak Wali Chai. You may face problem. Chai Walah may not accept 100 bills as he might not have change. So there could be problem with “acceptability”.

You may argue that Chai Walah will lose business and he should arrange for change. Now consider that there are enough customers who come with two bills of 50 or ten bills of 10; chances are that Chai Walah won't entertain you. So despite of same capital your acceptability is in question. This is because of competition by peer player from the same sector. And you need to sustain a competitive price to maintain your acceptability.

Why am I suddenly talking about acceptability and peer player?
Opps... I forgot to tell you a story.

“आज बंटू फिर से बहुत दुखी था. होता भी क्यों नहीं, 24 महीने के लम्बे इंतज़ार के बाद उसने नयी Designation पायी थी. और पिछले 8 महीने से एक-एक दिन गिन रहा था जब उसको उसकी नयी Desg. वाली तनख्वाह मिलेगी. इतने दिन घर वालों और दोस्तों को समझाता रहा की वोह क्यों अप्रैल का इंतज़ार कर रहा है. पिछले महीने तो एक दुसरे कंपनी के HR से भी लड़ पड़ा.
बोला, देखना अप्रैल के बाद. लेकिन आज बंटू फिर से टूट गया. उसकी आखें भर आई थी.”


बंटू कोई और नहीं, मेरा एक जिगरी दोस्त है. हम सबकी तरह सपने देखता है. बहुत ही मेहनती है. Client की Appreciation mail से उसकी Inbox भरी रहती है. आज उसकी नम आखों ने मुझे भी सोचने पे मजबूर कर दिया. उसकी बरसो की मेहनत और इमानदारी का यह अंजाम मेरी समझ से बाहर था.


अरे ये क्या, मेरी आखें तो बंटू को और भी कमजोर कर देगी. नहीं, मैं बंटू को समझाऊंगा. या यूँ कहिये की उस बंटू को जो हम सबके अंदर है और कही न कहीं अपनी नम आखों के साथ छुपा बैठा है.

Bantu this Chai Walah was for you. I was trying to explain - Why a company splits a stock?

Wait! I know I am trying to explain why and when water drop should separate from an Ocean, I am taking the longest route to convince you for same thing. लेकिन मैं तो तेरा दोस्त हूँ ना.  You have waited for years. Can't you wait for some time? Let me explain.

Hmmm… so back to stock split. Apart from these, there are dozens of financial angle to a stock split.

Splitting a stock is to increase a stock's liquidity, which increases with the stock's number of outstanding shares.

Market sees one more reason to it in the form of psychological advantage. As the price of a stock gets higher and higher, some investors may feel the price is too high for them to buy, or small investors may feel it is unaffordable. Splitting the stock brings the share price down to a more "attractive" level. Even though actual value of the stock doesn't change one bit, but the lower stock price may affect the way the stock is perceived and therefore entice new investors. Splitting the stock also gives existing shareholders the feeling that they suddenly have more shares than they did before, and of course, if the price rises, they have more stock to trade.

Some financial Pundit who always have contra view may term this split concept baseless as they feel split doesn't change any of the business fundamentals. In the end you have 100 in bank either in the form of 50X2 or 100X1.

Though split may change the Face value but not necessarily and dividend does not have direct relation to face value so this potential side effect of split could not find the support.

Hence, just one comment for those Pundits - Sir, split has no side effect either. You are paid to think contra. I should not waste time to convince you.

Bantu, these are few theories that market expert puts behind the splits. Now come to your employer. I see a very different angle which may not be digested easily, but let me put some fact here.

Your employer, TCS has declared dividend in all the Qtr since it went public.

See the dividend history

TCS share saw many splits which are not so common among blue chip as price level was not that higher to suggest any need for the same nor even peers were psychologically priced at much lower to this one. The reason I see is, dividend is never proportional to share price and shareholder got more share from split and hence more dividend and more money in the promoter’s pocket.

A WIN-WIN-WIN situation for shareholders.

Now check this link for the shareholding pattern on page 99 from 2008-09 Annual report (latest is yet to be available) to know who are major shareholder of your organization. 73.75% are held by promoters.

मानो या ना मानो, shareholder are the one's who need to be cared not you Bantu. If you remember, in Q4, 2008-09, they did not pay the Qtr variable to you but gave Rs. 5 dividend per share (on Avg. Qtr dividend was Rs.3, 67% increase in dividend paid from previous Qtr).

And more shocking was the fact that, this was the Qtr which saw the deepest shit of the recession (Sensex below 8k) and hardly any investor on this planet expected a penny dividend forget the increased dividend.

In the same Qtr dozens of blue chip stock could not even afford Rs. 1 dividend.

To me there were 2 things to it. Firstly, employees were too scared to retain their job so attrition would not even have jumped by half a % even if TCS took such decision of pay cut.

Secondly, as usual shareholders got the money and market got the impression which they always get.

This time they have given a special dividend of Rs. 10 taking the 2009-10 figures to Rs. 20. Where as its peer (they always talk about peers so I mentioned else I don’t want to) did not do that and instead gave something to employee.

For next 2 days, you will see every fucking channel and news paper with the headlines as if TCS has donated half of this year’s sales to its employee.

Bantu I took such a long route to prove that why TCS always give dividend even by cutting wages or when market expect the least and also why they splits so often. Let’s explore some more facts.

Later, in next 2 Qtr, they gave 150% variable which gave reputation boost and you got your money back. But again think on organizational basis. How much interest they got by holding 10% of the variable for 3 months and 10% for 6 months.

Just calculate with minimum 10% interest rate on those VA amounts which are approx 25-30% of the entire wages expense.

If they cut salary, Media talk for a day but when they pay 150% from the same, Media talk for weeks. They always get more than they lose.

Bantu, don't get confused from such facts. I just want to tell you, why the fuck should a company not pay more when they are able to sustain profit growth at this rate.

I'm not sure quantitatively how much sense this makes or put pressure on balance sheet but still let me tell you. If they reduce the hour billable rate by .5% instead of increasing the wages by few %, customer would be more happy and profitable. That would quantify in terms of more business and better CSI. There is no term as ESI (Employee Satisfaction Index).

Bantu, did you say PULSE? Is this the same which is increased every year by few % despite how many people cry like you?

Why the heck should they give you more wages that you think you deserve or even what their peers pay. Bantu you would quit, Chantu and Mantu are already in queue. They might lose one module because of you. But you know they lose Million $ project and get Billion $ project every other Qtr. There are guys at the top, paid in Million to do that.

Let me use the hostel language, sorry for it though, if you see a night queen on road without clothes will you close your eyes?

Intensity of the fact does not need to bare here but sentiments has the same urge.
If they are getting thousands of people at cheaper rate and equal number of optimist who wait for years to see some penny hike, why they would press the panic button.

Remember, if required, they can always open their wallet to get the skills. Unfortunately, this service industry does not need it so badly.
Hence, they don't need or want to keep you here. You are here because you want to be or you love to be treated as clothed night Queen.

Why the fuck would they even care for someone with respect probability quotient of
1\160429 (total headcount)?

Yes, your six digit identity is generated by an simple database procedure. How do you expect the management to work on morals rather than proven business model which generates Billions every Qtr?

The other day I was telling you about one of my friend. He was rated poorly enough to let him realize that it’s enough and he is quitting. Yes! He is quitting. By this time, he might have even put the paper.

Earlier I told you about water drop and Ocean. I feel water drop get the opportunity to separate from Ocean only when there is a big problem in the Ocean, may be like Tsunami. Tsunami is bad for some and opportunity for others. Decision is YOURS!!

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. If you let the tears come to your eyes frequently, it’s only you who is responsible for it. Damn YOU!!!

Let’s take it this way, they care for you. They gave you signal to go ahead and think about your career or a place where even if you don't get a deserved cheque, your heart won't bleed like this.

Bantu, you may feel unconvinced by some of my logic but the point is you can negate these facts only if you have a micro level view on the financial spectrum of the company or this industry. तो यार इतना समझदार होके भी रोते हो. Go and enjoy your beautiful ergonomically built fucking cubicle.

If by any chance you agree then do something to make yourself happy and now let’s watch some laughter video.  I don’t prefer the crib way.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

The Power of LESS


In last few months, I read couple of books on human psychology, Organizational behaviour and motivation. And more importantly I am getting used to hit the last page now. In past, though I read numerous books on these topics, but somehow could not digest the RULE-Book way to live life.

There was one such book "The Power of Less" by Leo Babauta, which I found an easy read because of its simple and practical approach towards de-cluttering one's life from un-necessary stressful objects and habits.

This book deal with handful of principles that could be applied again and again to any life situation; and those principles are the core of this book. Some of them I really liked and attempted; especially things like singletasking (avoiding multitasking), avoiding un-necessary use of email and internet, de-cluttering from unwanted things, eliminate every possible distraction and allow you to get in the flow with the task you want to complete.

Having said that, it would be unfair to expect this book to change your life because ultimately it depends on your way of living, thinking and last but not least - your ATTITUDE!

Now I would refrain from writing anything about the core content of this particular book; you can read if you think it would be worth reading. For those who get discouraged by the no-of-pages, it has approx 170 pages and max 6-7 hrs read (don't hurry up thru pages, 6-7 hrs wud be max time).

Now based on all these books, I tried to put myself on observation desk and see how these simple principles can make so much sense in life.

I am definitely not on a mission to do a clinical research on myself, but some of the observations have surprised me big time and thought it worth mentioning here.

I have kept my mobile on silent for almost a week now and observed how many times I received\missed a call which was in a sense distraction as I was not expecting call at that time for whatever reason. There were few calls after midnight too and I had slept before that.

I realized, all after mid-night calls were because of a simple reason - I have made others believe that I don't sleep before darkness prepare to kiss the light. First, I need to learn to respect my time before I expect anyone else to respect it!!

One more thing I found common among such behavioural books, somehow they over emphasizes on changing habits and how to inculcate good habits in life.

Practically, changing a habit may not be always easy; it need great amount of dedication, over the time practice and will to do it.

However, it should not be perceived as an impossible task and most of the times it may not really be as difficult as making Tushar Kapoor act or even Mammohan Singh host a Talk show. Some book talks about 21 days principle which says, "If you try something new for 21 days, it becomes a habit".

Trust me, it’s not a rocket science and very much possible. Don't try to form multiple habits at a time. One at a time; it would work. Just start small and focus on present.

Everyone during one's life time goes through various failure and transitional phases. Sometimes, it becomes so difficult and apparently impossible to get over that phase. It results in the fact - screwed up life".

I was surprised to read that biologically it is normal behaviour to react in an unexpected manner. Further I did retrospect chronologically on some past event and got the answer for most of my insane reactions during those phases.

Meta-thinking. Yeah! Most of the time "meta-thinking" spoils your present, which is nothing but thinking about what you're thinking, and whether you're thinking in the right way, and whether there is a right way... and so on, until you're no longer in the present.

Understanding the human behaviour, at least to some extent, made me realize - such meta-thinking is perfectly normal. We all do that. No need to beat ourselves up about that. No need to get discouraged and loose sanity.

I know I am sounding purely theoretical and it is always easy to say than to do; but my own experience made me believe - If you really want something, you can do it. Had that not been the case, I would not have mentioned here anything even distantly related to those few months. Simple reason, I was over cautious because of those meta-thinking. Should I write here, I might offend someone (even if I don't intend to) and those meta-thinking tore me apart, kept me disconnected from myself for months.

It was little tough to put break on those meta-thinking especially when I did not want to form any conclusion about who so ever was part of that. I just wanted to stop with the fact that it was a plain mistake from both of us. THAT’S it!

Does not a pilot make a mid-air mistake and results in loss of hundreds of life including himself? Doing non-intentional mistake is not a crime at least not big enough to keep losing sanity in life.

It took little time to bring myself over all these but end result is so satisfying and encouraging. People around you definitely help you in your effort but it’s you… only YOU who can bring your smile back from any unpleasing situation.

Only you can motivate yourself and you have to. Life is so beautiful and the medium to enjoy it are infinite. Someone rightly said - "It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives."

It’s nothing about inculcating some fancy thinking just respecting one's own neurological behaviour and believes in oneself.

I don't know how you are feeling after reading this nor I want to bother about; still I would be happy if this helps any one in any manner.

If at all you feel this is just another crap. Congrats! Dude\Baby you are already perfect... BHUJIYA KHAO AND SO JAO.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Mobile-Toilet ratio


We all have heard about various ratios. Male-female ratio in a batch, in a college, in a state or in a country; ratio of urban-rural, rich-poor, young-old population and many more.

And now, UN comes with another ratio: Mobile -Toilet ratio.

Sounds crazy? Indeed it is; if you are trying to think how a mobile can be used for toilet, otherwise it is not.
Read this news about UN research report on Millennium Development Goal (MDG) on sanitation by 2015; it talks about the stinking fact behind the world's second most populous country.

Sometimes, it is too much to digest various news headlines within same space. On one hand these kinda pathetic reality and than an IPL team's staggering bid of over Rs. 1700 crore. This explains the brutal diversity about fake unity.

What do say about this diversity Sirji?

Now how come China be left behind when something relates to population? So I tried to explore UNICEF/Google site to check how China is doing.
I am yet to get the latest data and still trying to, may be before I sleep tonight, gather more statistical data. But, according to an old 1999 estimates, about 650 million people, approximately half of China's total population, lacked access to sanitary means of human waste disposal. Current data would definitely be better than what it was a decade ago; But such ratio speaks more than it hides about countries inability to provide even basic needs.

It's nothing but irony only that despite of entire globe’s dependency on India's IT or enabled services and China's manufacturing industry, they themselves don't have the access to the very first thing required to start a healthy and hygiene day.

Way to Go!!!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Hormonally challenged recycle bin product


Someone had once told me during a normal conversation, I want to be happy for next 20-25 years. I laughed at that moment on the framing of those 20-25 years; though I honestly knew what it meant and these days I am trying every bit to do something similar. Only I have slightly longer term view.


The very first thing I realized was to respect everyone and their decision what so ever it may be. No one should assume others situation; It has helped me enormously till now.


But I could not really control after reading this Karan Johar’s blog and commented on it.


Unfortunately, it did not allow more than 1000 words and then I had to register and blah blah blah. Finally I realized, the comment only allows goody-goody words even for a shit blog.


So here, in my space, I am putting the comment that I wanted to put there:


Pragmatically speaking, you are such a waste soul of this revolving planet. I can’t use the 4 letter word here that you morally and technically deserve, else could have mentioned it in every line to describe your ******* pseudo intellectual attitude. No offense, but it’s as true as Big B's acting talent or even Gravitational theory that let your POP ***** your MOM and it Biologically resulted in you, the recycle bin product.


Do you or anyone else from your family understand the meaning of even the first para? Stop using synonyms to prove that you were born with couple of pocket dictionaries. Using big and useless jargons are only an excuse to prove that you have no ******* idea about what you are trying to say.


If I am not wrong, we follow British English and spell HONOUR not HONOR that you just have used through some stupid editing software which let useless people like you write without even knowing the meaning.


I don't want to comment on your movies as I completely agree that it’s your ******* money and your family actors who agrees to be part of your shit work.


People like you, unnecessarily, write blog\movie review, which doesn’t make any sense
and at the end of it, reader gets confused that whether he is saying Yes or No for the movie.



Stop writing and accept it: - your name is Karan Johar and you are a Useless 37 year old hormonally challenged recycle bin product.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

The EVERYTHING GUIDE TO COMEDY WRITING


This week I almost finished a text book which I had been extending for over a month.
Almost? Yeah! I reached the maximum limit of extending the due date and finally I was forced to return it.
Text-book? Ummm... yupp! It was a text book of 260 pages with more than 30 pages dedicated to Index and lot of Appendix.

Well! It just happened; I was walking through Library's Non-fictional section and saw a book with title something like "Comedy writing..."

I reached to book and saw the cover - "The EVERYTHING GUIDE TO COMEDY WRITING"

It sounded more like a S\W book "Learn JAVA in 21 days" and I whispered - What the fuckkkk...

How can someone think of teaching comedy…?
How would you connect to readers without using body language…?
Does this book contain address of 'Funny bone' markets…?

I decided to pick up this yellow cover book to find the answer of my questions rather than with the intention of becoming a stand-up comedian or penning script for prime time sitcoms. In addition, I'm a self claimed numerically strong mathematician, so 230 pages (total -Index - Appendix) with 50 pages per week gave me kinda confidence of finishing it before due date.

Before writing anything about the book, let me accept the fact that this book exceeded my expectation in all aspect and it proved my whisper "what the fuckkkk..." as nothing but a cynical reaction which can assumed to be influenced by my pseudo-intellect view on comedy writing profession.

I was amazed to see the explanation used to describe the basics of comedy writing, the anatomy of humor and entire construction flow of the jokes. Breaking down comedy into a scientific method is not an easy process. Plus, there's a lot more to it than just understanding the core structure of comedy.

With that being said, I think you'll find a lot of gems in this book that will open your observant skin pores and help explore the various range of comedy formats.

There are some techniques like the usual what-if, topical jokes, dealing with emotions in comedy and using surprise as a tool in stand-up format of comedy. Sometime, audience find something funny because they are generally surprised by the punch line or have a feeling of superiority whether it is from solving the puzzle of a joke or by  decoding a high context David jokes.

It covers the various techniques used in different formats of the comedy like stand up, sitcoms, late night talk show, sketch comedy and many more.

If you observe the most famous sitcoms such as Office Office, Shriman Shrimati, FRIENDS or The Simpsons, the longest-running sitcom in US history, everything reflects a defined technical pattern.

Even Late show with David Letterman or half boiled comedy talk show “the Tonight show with Jay Leno\Conan O'Brien (I personally feel Jay leno and Conan need to learn some facial expression from David) reflects certain comedy pattern.

Having said these, there was one thing I still expected out of this book which remained just an expectation and that was, despite of talking about comedy, somehow this book lacks the humor in itself.
It won't make you Laugh out loud forget a single opportunity of rolling on floor laughing.