Vision for Indian Cricket …

Just thought to try something different this evening and I opened one News
site and few more thereafter. Almost every other News site had the same headlines with different words but attractively used:

“It’s an official stamp for unofficial activities”

“Have sex to play better, India stars urged’    

“A good session raises the performance?”

“Make love, not war...”

“Big boys play, can they keep it up next day?’

“Good sex great for cricket: Sexologist Kothari”

And then, how come bloggers be left behind; so a blog on a famous News site says with Euphemism - "Life is more than a three-letter word"

Days are not far when we can see words like "Three-Letter-Word" and "Four-Letter-Word" occupying some space in dictionary for the benefit of Indians, who doesn't prefer to speak such words openly but still maintain the population effortlessly and often attribute the reason to third party saying - this is because of defective "Six-Letter-Word" manufactured by opposition party.

Undoubtedly, this is the funniest news I have read in recent past and more so because of the blown-out-of-proportion attitude of our media these days.

Actually the stories just start here. Even Australian and England cricketers were heard saying they'd be delighted to have Kirsten as coach.

Giggling Aussie counterpart Ricky Ponting was completely taken aback. "(Sex) in a vision document? That would be interesting. No, I don't think so... you've caught me slightly off guard. Oh, I'm still blushing."

Maybe a flustered Michael Hussey, who has been struggling to recapture the form of old, deserves the last word. "Oh, I don't know about all this. I've been away from home for four months. I have forgotten how to do the stuff."

By this time now, I assume, you know what am I talking about?

Exactly, this is all about the Vision Document shared by current Indian Cricket team Coach.

The 'Vision Document ', which says - "having sex increases testosterone, which causes an increase in strength, aggression and competitiveness" once again gets the media attentions that arduously keep searching for such Masala news.

Then comes the expert comments,

“The abstinence tradition is particularly strong in power sports such as boxing and football, but several studies over the years have tried to establish that sex is good before competitive sporting activity.”

Dr Ashok Ahuja, HoD, Sports Medicine, National Institute of Sports, Patiala, said, "There is no doubt that sex increases your performance, provided it does not disturbs players' sleep and has no negative influence on them."

There's more - "After all, good sex with a good person in a good time in good manner can be very satisfying. It can improve the efficiency of an individual in all spheres of life, including sport," says Kothari

Does not matter who is Dr Ahuja and Kothari, they must be thanking Kirsten for making them famous as until now perhaps they were only famous among their close relatives.

Finally, Bournvita comment - "A good performance in an indoor sport can lead to a fantastic performance in an outdoor sport."

As per Media, the document helpfully suggests some solution too.

"If you want sex but do not have someone to share it with, one option is to go solo whilst imagining you have a partner, or a few partners, who are as beautiful as you wish to imagine."

"No pillow talk and no hugging required. Just roll over and go to sleep."

Now as we all know the “Too-Much” attitude of our Media, what would be next???

NDTV Big Fight –
In the panel we have someone, who never indulged in beep... beep... beep before any match thru-out his entire cricketing career... Please welcome Mr. Celibate
There would be one social activist or some garbage creature from RSS shouting "Yeh Bhartiya Sanskriti Ki Maryada ka Ulanghan Hai."

Sony, Dekh India Dekh –
Manhoos Aurat would say (this is not my word, Shakeel feels so) - Put your hands together (Ek Haath Se Taali Bajti Hai Kya??) for Sudesh Lahiri as Gary Kirsten and Krishna as Sachin. You can't control laughter when Sachin would say - "Aaila, Mujhe To Kisi Ne Bataya Hi Nahin ..."

Star News, Sansani –
This would give you facts as to why India did not win any Olympic medal in gymnastics – because the athlete who represented India in that form of game was a regular visitor to Ashok clinic, behind ABC cinema Dariya Ganj.

Now the last but not the least one... the most irritating and fucking channel ever existed in this Universe - India TV

Breaking News ... Breaking News … Breaking News
With a list that reads - how many Cricketers had beep-beep-beep before the match in their entire career. Somehow they would have the birth date of the children of all the Cricketers and then calculate if that falls in 9^th month from the DOB of these kids. An expert would always be there as a chief guest to prove any tolerance (on either side by a week or so) as biologically legitimate.

If the list does not become lengthy... they can switch to any possible games with new interactive Breaking News "Kya Aliens kabhi Football Ya Kisi Bhi Ball Se Khel Sakte Hain??" SMS Y\N on 6388.

Having read all these news, I wonder if parents would really give a second thought before sending their kids to Cricket Academy. Don’t take it seriously; had that been the case, Shiney Ahuja could have been an expert Cricketer.

But you don't have to worry until some study from Nasscom says - it's advisable to indulge in "three-letter-word" before any major production activity.

 

 

40 Rules to a good Life …….

Too much work. Where should I start from? I think I should take a break.

That's exactly what I'm going to do now @ usual IT destination - my mailbox with the latest mail that I got yesterday - "40 rules to a good life..."

Though I have read this couple of times including yesterday and really felt good to be inspired by many rules, but now having seen this with the intention of Break, I am getting enthused to think otherwise.

Now envisage, like every other project, where, if you don't think straight, you need to have risk mitigation plan in place.

Similarly, imagine the risk you may bump into if you try to implement following rules:

 

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

Sound good. But then, you alone would be responsible for increasing your insurance premium. All the symptoms are not covered under basic coverage.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to……...

You can do that in the morning itself; but switching off the exhaust is never a healthy idea.

3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.

Don't need to spend a single penny on this. The entire episodes are available on YouTube. But then, YouTube always pose more threat to sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today.' I wake up every morning clapping my hands, saying, “I am fine, I am good, I will overcome all obstacles and make it and God is my witness”.

But, why the hell in the morning you will even imagine that your day may have obstacles. It's more like using the life-line before you hear the question.

5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

L= E³ = (MC²)³ = M³C⁶= ((MC) ³) ²= (Longer/Bigger MC) ² = can’t afford Longer/Bigger MC than this

Where L= Life, MC =Major Change

BTW, I liked the way you were thinking…..

6. Play more games and read more books than you did last year.

Better, don't keep the count of games you played and books you read last year.

7. Make time to practice meditation and prayer everyday. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

Is your life an Outlook Calendar? Can't you do something without planning?

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.

For better performance, don't spend time with people where Age between 6 and 70. However, that doesn't mean I work with only Tuning.

9. Dream more while you are awake and have dreamless sleep.

Before that, make sure your boss does not have cubicle near yours.

10. Eat more food that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants. Try to be a vegetarian if possible.

Being Vegetarian is actually an advantage except that you are not contributing to decrease the count of Murga. Which is nothing but the unwanted natural morning Alarm? Think about your sleep.

11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

Check if you have the shares of any of the company that sells/manufactures these items. Top Line Growth does matter.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

Bhagwan ke naam pe ek Smile de-de. Today, I just need one more to hit 3.

13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.

As per rule #5, live with Energy; how can you dump the old Energy from your Life?

14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires (blood suckers), issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

Stick to the rule - Energy can neither be wasted nor be invested. Had that been the case, even in current recession, everyone would have been sitting on huge cash.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

No one need to learn the most precious and interesting things in Life? whether it is eating or releasing pressure. Why bother for the curriculum.

BTW, This time I didn’t like the way you were thinking.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card or a begger.

After this, you surely need a GPS to locate restroom around where-ever you go.

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.

There is no risk with this; that’s what the purpose of my blog is.

18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. Enjoy it.

Why settle for Good when you deserve the best???

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

Elimination is the best method when you are short of time.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

Even if you take yourself Seriously, No one else would do.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Don't defy the definition of something. Argument is meant to end decision less.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

Take time to realize your past to avoid spoiled Future!

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

I don't see any risk here. In fact, I truly believe in this. You never realize how nonsense you are.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you. Fall in love with yourselves first and become a magnet that constantly attracts others to you.

Physically, no similar poles can attract each other. So, be aware before challenging Natural Theory.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

True! That’s why I'm writing all this. After five years, these shit comment won't matter.

26. Forgive everyone for everything.

So forgive me for writing all the shit for truly awesome and inspiring lines.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

Does that mean, I should not even think if you find this shit???

28. Time heals almost everything.

Almost can never be an appropriate word. Don't believe in partial concept.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

Only situation where Newton's Law feel embarrassed!!

30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your good friends will…….Stay in touch.

So, what am I doing now?

31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

Why did you acquire something which were not Useful, Beautiful or even Joyful???
See rule #14 - Don't waste your precious energy in acquiring something that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

Satisfaction is the excuse for avoiding new things/idea in life.

33. The best is yet to come.

Contradiction to previous rule - If you already have everything you need? Why even wait for something to come?

34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

How can you show after getting dressed???

35. Do the right thing!

No harm, if you can!

36. Call your family often. Love your family and forget all the petty arguments instantly.

Can call your family more often. Call rates have reduced drastically.

37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful to God for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

No one love the status sheet. How come you???

38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

I can't comment on everything. I am not impervious of blessings.

39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.

Always use the fast pass to get away with un-necessary queue. Don’t you enjoy the rides for the second time?

40. Please Forward this to all your friends.

That’s the only thing we IT people do even when boss says: "Don't forward unwanted mails from office ID"

Last time (including yesterday) when I read this mail, I felt so inspired by many quotes, but today when I read for the 2nd time, I could not stop smiling (I'm ready to pay more premium) at few rules and this happened.

One thing I again realized, it's not the content or the narrator, but actually the situation and your perception which matters.

So don't question my intentions. I still admire all the quotes as much as I did when read for the first time.

Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing.

 

Declaration: If by any chance, you are my lead. Believe me, I can do some justice to fiction; I didn't write this in office. For others - All the situation and timings mentioned above is absolutely true!

Bermuda Triangle mystery solved???

It was my lunch time when I was browsing some news on Google (yeah thats when you get time to go on all such links) and what I saw was:
" Bermuda Triangle plane mystery 'solved' ".

I was in 4th standard when some of my classmate first talked about Bermuda triangle the way that it used to suck all planes/ships passing through it. This was a mystery for me from that time(atleast that time when I was a kid).. The same banged my head after every 4-5 yrs.. Luckily this freq isn't high and today again someone talking about it.. So without wasting any time I clicked the link..
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/8248334.stm

Wrapped up the page in a minute but it seemed like the guy talked about couple of accidents happened back in 1950s. I thought there were many more accidents reported.. Then I realized if Aarushi Talwar Murder case can take more than 1.5yrs to be solved by so called CBI(when there were few evidence) then Bermuda is atleast 50times complex case without any evidence; so if it takes 50 yrs- not so bad.!!

Anyways I found some logics justifying enough to describe some of the cases..
Not sure if these are sufficient enough to say if the whole mystery of Bermuda has been solved.. Decide yourself..
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00mjpcq

Yeh Serial Kya Kehlata Hai…

Bahut dino baad jahan mein TV dekhne ki tamanna jaagi…… Aakhir ho bhi gaye 300 din se jyada jab ek haath mein chai ki cup and dusri haath mein remote hua karti thi... and Saamne... Manhoos awaaz... “Kya Aaj Dilli Ki Pyas Bujhegi...” Laut ke aate hain ess chhote se break ke baad aur phir hamare special guest (yeah! Every guest is special) se Puchhenge, Kya Aakhir Dilli Mein Bhi Aaj Baarish Hogi... Jaan-ne Ke Liye Dekhiye Aaj Tak.

Jaate jaate phir se - Kahin jayiega nahin, Hum Haajir hote hain bas ess chhote se break ke baad.
Bol to aise gaya jaise hamare baithne se hi baarish hone wali thi.

Then as usual, like every Desi product here... from Desi Restau - Desi Store - Desi Girl - Desi Movie - Desi consultant on hetch1 (nahin nahin... Chacha aap hi batao, Hetch ko Hetch nahin to kya bolenge), I opened idesitv.com, and meri pahli nazar padi “Sony TV” ke link pe.

Adbhut sa scene - camera ka frame 120 degree pe tilted; Sringar mein lipte huye couple ek-dusre ki taraf inflation ki nazron se dekhte huye; Camera ka angle 360 degree se dono character ko cover karti hai...
phir aati hai background se awaaz - "Kya Radha Vivek ki ho payegi? Kya Vivek apne pyar ke liye Samaaj se lad paayega?"

Iss-se pahle ki screen freeze hoti and nichle kone pe aata "To be Continued..." maine back button pe click karna thik samjha.

Next one was IBN HINDI. Even before I could maximize the screen, I saw flashing -

"Breaking News... Breaking News…"

And then familiar portrait in the left most corner of screen and rest part had, Aarushi, CBI........

"Police recovers Aarushi's cell phone from a UP town... "

"Aarushi Talwar’s case evidence tampered: CBI "

Not again!!

Third one I clicked on: “Zee TV USA”

Aayie, hhum, Aaur Aaap, Khelte Hain - Dus Kaa Dumm!

Nahin khlena bhai, maaf kar do. Galti se click kar diya tha... dubara nahin karunga.

Agle 1-2 channels ke link kaam nahin kar rahe the... phir bhi maine sahme huye iraado se mouse ko ghumaya and uper ke kone se “Star Plus TV” ko dabaya.

Scene was like – a guy is getting ready for the office and all of a sudden he ask his wife, shirt ki button toot gayi.

“Aap roz jaan bujh ke button tod dete hain…… (pata nahin kaise, yeh Serials mein button bahut toot-te hain),” she comes with a tool box and starts with needle.

Then the scene of the moment – 1 button 17 expressions. Camera rolls from every angle to capture the number of holes in the button. Before, I could think Yeh serial kya kahlata hai…. A song started from background… “Yeh Rishta Kya Kehlata Hai…”

Next I tried NDTV India (but actually it was link for Star News):

kaise rahe fit aaj ke bhagdaur ki zindagi mein; list mein sabse uper - regularize your life. Sleep on time and wake up early.
Lagta hai aaj din hi kharab hai... Subah uthne se kya India ki return ticket free milegi......

Stayed there for few minutes and came the time for break – “ek list jaari ki gayi hai… Amir baap ki Amir Betiyan, jisme sabse aage hain Anil Ambani ki beti “… Mumbai Live, Everyday, 3pm ET 12pm PT

Agla program – “Jaaniye aapka lucky colour and lucky number” … 3 Deviyaan…

Could not tolerate the torture any further and closed the browser immediately.

 

Not to be Continued…

 

Last Name ….. ???

"What is the name of the guy, who sit next to you in class," Papa asked me curiously, almost two decades ago (yeah, 2 decades; I have roughly covered close to 50% of standard allocated life, unless some speeding vehicle make a wish and increase this % more than the actual one).

"She is a girl - Mini," I answered without bothering why did he ask me.

"What's her full name," he added the 2^nd one with equal curiosity.

"I don't know," I replied ingenuously (even today I don't remember her last name; only thing I can remember now: she was real cutie).

Papa did not ask me same question, when I moved to High School; not because he forgot to ask, but actually, he was my class teacher and saw me with whom I shared the space.
Yeah, he knew everything I did when there were no teachers in class (this I always wonder, how there is at least one fellow in every class who follows Saas-Bahu).

So only day I used to be khulla-Saand when he was on leave (unfortunately once or twice a year).

When I became a hostel-ite (place, where I missed my home the most -Unfortunately there was no Purani Jeans/Yaaron Dosti or DCH at that time), Papa asked me slightly different question but with same curious intention.
I told him the complete name of my roomies. I mean, the one with last name; but I didn’t feel any reason to think - whether it make sense to ask the complete name?

During those days, Papa's intension never made me think about the whole idea of last name.

Few years down the line, when I was in secondary, somebody asked me the same question and I counted every one with their last name. There were five Amit so only last name remained unique identifier. Then, after two years, I actually started to realize the meaning of last name. Somehow, it related as to which category you belong to when you gonna write the cut-throat Exams or anything for that matter.

Total - SC\ST- OBC - Admin - HR - Ministry - NRI - Freedom Fighters - East - West - North - South – Central = General

As long as this LHS = RHS stayed in mind, last name did not bother me.

When I moved to College, Papa again asked me same question; thank GOD! Roomie’s last name was different and it did not suggest as it generally meant to be; by that time, I had developed kind of irritation if someone specifically asked me the last name.

There was not always reason though, but just like that. While I don't want to sound cynic on this, but what I could never digest there after was the intention behind question not the last name.

Then stepped into the corporate world, where the definition of last name became further intricate. Today, apart from the usual conversation, I feel suffocated by the idea of last name as to why most of the time it is used to define a person, their religion and what not.

And now, having answered the same question for years, I wonder, what would be my reply if someone ever asks me the last name of Ram, Sita, Hanuman, Saraswati or Vishnu...????

Such thoughts always put loads of burden on the tiny particle of the brain and as Escapism works wonder in most of the cases, I plan to stick to it until someone ask me my last name.