Cynical Obsession.......

"Serial Blast in CP......" - received an SMS around 7PM, when I was trying hard to nap my journey in way to Chandigarh.
These 4 words can run the blood through your Veins much faster than your sense could react after feeling the snake presence in dark. People having any idea about Delhi can imagine what CP means to it on a Saturday evening.
I was getting concerned, thinking about the intensity of the blast.

First thing I did upon reaching home was to grab a remote.
Once again!!! This time in Delhi; did that really matter to me?? Didn’t I have option of switching to a so called better channel; which talk in terms of facts-n-figures (of course, not number of injured who had to be rushed to nearest hospital).
One good thing I like about such channels - they allocate less space to nonsense breaking news in the marquee.
Yet, I could not switch to that better channel.

My fingers froze on remote. My mind was filled up with tiny pieces scattered by the blast.
I could not possibly think else than to fight with my conscience.

Irrespective of the city, which sees the blood bath, I have started to accept it as integral part of my life. Emotional reaction cycle too has reduced considerably since I heard of blast in financial heart of the country.
It has become much quicker and faster though, with the 24X7 courtesy by electronic Media. Lots of blast and heinous crime followed thereafter.

Then Why is it so, that still, I have not been able to forget 92 blast??? Isn't it more den a decade old now??

“May be, because it was the first one and perhaps, the first instance of everything is harder to forget,” I just can't stop myself from thinking about all this, whenever a city is intolerably blasted in to minuscule pieces.

It used to be once in a year. Accelerated to more within a year and then to quarters and now every month. Technically, this QoQ growth is much more than YoY, but same, so called better channel make me realize- such growth is a fundamental issue for the society and Universe @ large, not only in Long or short term, but any term for that matter.
Am I still bothered???

Well! For sure, this is within the tolerance Zone! Had that not been the case, how come Sarojini Nagar, Varanasi, Banglore, Lucknow, Hyderabad, Ahmedabad and many more blast can be so easily forgotten and I have closed all pores to make sure, none of the chemicals in air even distantly instigate me to sound ENOUGH!!!

What can I do?? Am not I worried for others???
Well! This is probably the safest excuse I can bring out immediately. Can also support this with instant logic - "Govt. is not doing anything; Intelligence Bureau is hardly effective; Political leaders are busy changing attire; Militants are too smart; Media wants just publicity and blah blah blah........all this fucking excuse."
In short, concerned authority should act - Not me.

What’s my contribution???
What contribution? I Pay Income Tax in a country where millions of morons have not seen the PAN card in their entire life, even though their total assets contain more zero than any state population have.
I am not a terrorist.
I don't kill people.
I am a responsible Citizen. Is not that ENOUGH!!!
And further, if provided with… Given a Chance… if time permits... I can do much more for the Society.

For Society or for myself???

“I am the part of it, so transitively me too,” I can’t escape the technical theories.

Wish! Technical theories could end terrorism and incomplete sentence could conclude ever. My conscience makes me feel as if I am the culprit.

Fine! I accept myself responsible to some extent, but isn't whole society corrupt?
Don't I have to go through hell in procuring a passport or a Driving license? Is not it procedural to bribe money to police than to handover the supporting paper?
Be it railway, public services, whatever....List is endless. One thing is common- Corruption!!!

Doesn’t a police man go to other counter? Doesn’t a public servant wish to be free with less than legal amount, when caught with speeding vehicle? There is no theory in this world which can bring "ZERO" out of intersection of any two systems. And unfortunately or fortunately, we happen to be part of the multiple systems. So, our very much OWN transitive theory makes us morally corrupt.

Still, why we become insane when we are at other side of problem.
"What about thousands of people getting killed in a stampede outside a temple. Billions of Rupees lost with the strike by a group of people (read - social morons), having no idea what they are doing. Public and private property gets damaged as if its part of festival of Obstruction & Destructions. More interested in figuring out the Full name behind the problem rather than the problem itself," are these sounding a militant activity?

Probably, all the life lost in till date Blast are much less than life lost in a single stampede (be it outside a temple or in a Holy Kumbh Mela), which can no way be related to Militant activity.
This is not a statistical figure but the cruel reality of our OBSESSIVE CYNICISM.

Mr. Sharma did not sacrifice his life to gain popularity; rather, he simply did his job.
Perhaps, I don't need to encounter militant but to accept myself responsible and contribute to make my own life better.

It seems, slowly my conscience has made me realize answers to my questions.

No!! Not most, rather all questions. I have to be answerable to myself.

Thousands of questions boggle my mind minutes after every blast. Don't know when and how, but today I realize one thing - I would get the moral RIGHT to ask others, only after I answer my own conscience.